I never really learnt how to deal with my feelings.
So I just suppressed them, dressed them in what looked more appealing.
No prosecutor, no judge, and yet within myself such disdain for my misdeeds.
Quickly following : shame and guilt, a heart that beats at two speeds.
To let out my anger, such a forbidden desire; as with all desires, suppressed.
With pictures of abstention and that one time it was all let loose, impressed.
Chaotic, incoherent, fantasies perverted, everything obscured.
I stand before the judge, a badly painted nude.
Catch the rope before the hangman does.
Going to the party, my shame as my plus one.
One to never falter in the face of adversity
And they say I won in birth lottery.
Who is staring at me from the mirror?
Just projections, don’t come nearer.
Or you might see what monsters lie within.
Right there, boiling underneath that perfect skin.